Truth... as it remains

PhOOEY! inDEED! PhOOEY!

Wed, 18 Apr 2007 20:58:40 GMT

HOLY FUCKIN CRAP!!!

ZILTOID THE OMNISCIENT!!!

xDDDDDD!!!!

cutting the shit

Mon, 02 Apr 2007 10:55:24 GMT

wow... what's a livejournal?! I clearly have no clue anymore, nor do I care much in the slightest. But really, its been a fuckin hell of a long time since I've come anywhere close to even writing in this thing. I really have nothing much to say to keep an actual roll of thoughts intact at this time. But what the hell... I think this should subdue as a FINAL entry, FOREVER! but alas, I don't know what to do with this thing, I guess I've pretty much grown out of it, as do many other friends who used to have a livejournal. so here's what my life has been doing thus far.

First off, I got job, HOO-FUCKIN-RAY!!!!?, damn straight! its at whataburger, which is not that far away from where I live... a couple blocks or so. I get paid $8 an hour and get paid weekly which is pretty nice for starters. I get just about 33 hours a week and make about a $200+ check WEEKLY. So its pretty cool. The crew are all laidback, I've made a couple new friends here or there. And I haven't had any real problems so far. Working nightshift usually isn't too bad. so blah, good stuff, I'm not really one for emphasis on the job, just cuz its a job, but I'm saving my money, and I've been doing pretty well with keeping track and not spending too much on junk. Travel, Music Equipment, concerts are the firm attractions I will invest in... especially travel.

so fuckin A, its nice to finally not be broke as a joke anymore. :)

with the job, I got a car which is an old toyota corolla, P-O-S mind you.... but hey it gets me somewhere, and the stereo has got an MP3 player which is killer! I certainly enjoy driving now with listening to anything I want. so thats all good there.

aside from the good news, things have been average, I don't get to see my friends as much as I'd like. I understand my sacrifice of time will eventually payoff in the longrun, but I would just like to get out on an adventure and see new things, have a freakin badass experience sometime, just get out! heh, with that in mind, my days have been pretty much nights now. I don't go to sleep until 7am in morning, don't wake up until 2-3pm in the afternoon. It hasn't really bothered me, but I haven't been outside during the day in quite a long while. Although, nights are better in any sense.

still no woman in my life yet, bleh. yeah, who cares?

Haven't seen a good metal show in SO FUCKIN LONG, the job has pretty much consumed my nights of seeing any shows at all. The last actual show I've been to is my friend's band "Starcastic Pheromone" It was a good time, indeed. But you know there's just been nothing around here in such a long time, ever since the Backroom closed for good, there hasn't been ANYTHING in Austin, only in cities that are not Austin. pfft... so wtf? I think this may well indeed call for a metalfest of some sort, I don't care where the fuck its showing; state, city, country, I gotta do it. just to make up for all the lost times of whatever shows I've missed. Yes... that will have to do! :D

musicwise, I've actually had no communication with my band in bastrop for quite awhile now. They're doing their own thing, and I'm doing mine. If distance wasn't an issue, I'm sure I'd have more time with them. But there's just hasn't been anything going on. and our outlooks on music don't match as well as we'd like. I appreciate what they do but it seems as though anytime I brought something to the plate, it wasn't want they wanted; too technical, not simple enough, too ugly, not pretty enough. fine. They still want me for a guitarist, but I just don't feel any kind of connection anymore.

so I'm on my own now, and I've been writing, and soon to record with a friend of mine's home studio. Once I get something dished out, then I'll be looking onward.

yeah so that about does it... I'm looking foward to any events that will harness its name forever. I think it's about time to get the fuck out and start doing some sweet shiznit. I don't know, this livejournal thing is far from gone now. If anyone out there reads this, then thats cool, I sure would like to know how everyone else is doing these days, but I haven't seen or heard from anyone in such a longtime, so. until next time, some time, I wish everyone the best of the best of the best, SIR! :) goodbye.

human_devolved
R.I.P

ps. man, have I had the most shitty writer's block! everytime I want to write I'm like a quarter of a way into it, then I just delete and say "fuck it!" cuz it sucks ass. I wonder if anyone else does the same, which is why the reason I never see updates from anyone anymore. hmm.. that being said, I guess life is just taking its turns and ways. A petty journal doesn't really say all that much as it should, which I think is one of the reasons I never update anymore. TOO MUCH SHIT GOING ON!! fuck a lj! but who knows if it will come back. nobody knows... oh well. later.

fuckin a

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 22:18:43 GMT

Dying Fetus fuckin RULED!!! See them, they own!

tis all.

TERROR 2006

Fri, 24 Nov 2006 21:24:53 GMT

Tomorrow will be my 21st birthday, Nov. 25th 2006.

Let the true drinking onslaught commence in meticulous drunken fervor.

birthday shots + pints of ale = certain pillaging!

yeah thats all I got...

have at you!!

denied

Fri, 17 Nov 2006 22:33:17 GMT

For some reason or another, my right eyelid twitches every now and again. Pretty cool, I think. :)

hmm, i don't have anything to say except Joel Frith needs to start thinking more of what his "friends" have to say and quit acting like he is all high and mighty in every fuckin situation, because he is absolutely not in any case. He is a piece of shit like everyone else. He has faults. And at times, he fucks up like everyone else. Even though we may want to guide someone out of those kinds of ridiculous faults, the stupid motherfucker does it anyways.

Why do I say this?

He broke our new bong... and did it without listening to ANYONE that said, "Joel don't fuck with that part of the bong, you'll break it, no don't, just leave it, why do you have to take it out?" "no Joel" "NO JOEL" "JOEL!!! DON'T FUCK WITH IT!!" "Listen"

and in his own little precious time ... I mean get a fuckin clue! Is he that much of an idiot to NOT know that specific part of the piece was most vunerable? It would only appear so... so he IS GOING TO buy a new bong for all of us. And I hope he learns damn fuckin well that he needs to take into consideration what others have to say. I hope he learns and I do hope he suffers with this bullshit he shat on himself... yeah he acts like he doesn't care... but in do time, i hope the shit hits his stupid little queer face. and this isn't the first time at all. He needs a reality check.

I'm pissed because that bong WAS the shit, and we've not even had it for 2 days... and it only took one single act from a stupid idiot who did not listen to his "business partners" (yeah, not friends, his words completely). If he's not satisfied, then he doesn't care at all about what anyone else says or thinks.

I am gonna fuckin bitchslap him next time I see him. seriously. And I have 5 other friends to back me up. Either that, or we punish the fool with a line of bitchslaps, because no one should get away with something that shouldn't have happened. We told him not to do it 6 fuckin times, and he did it anyways, and he doesn't care. He is going to pay, and that will end this stupid rant and we can move on and hoping only joel will learn from how much of a fuckin pansy and dumb fuck he really is. Fuckin hell.

Jesus Wept

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 19:52:27 GMT

Last night was the Fear Factory, Suffocation, Hypocrisy, and Decapitated show. Pretty killer, I must say. I went with Anibal, John and his bitchfriend of a girlfriend... I'll explain later.

each band had a good set up, some of the downsides go as this (just cause)

Decapitated (opening) - badass live... but their sounds was kinda muddy... at least I could barely hear any guitar, that or bass. I enjoyed their prescence though. And the kinda sorta new vocalist was good. Decapitated were good to see, I just felt... teased, you know?

Hypocrisy - they were awesome, no complaints here at all... sound was good, and they served up.

Suffocation - MY highpoint of the night... and with that, it only seems like it was MY highpoint. Nobody in the crowd knew who they were, and it was just annoying... as much as people suck ass, I felt teased. They played a pretty good set... sound was decent, not as powerful, but brutal of course. they played a couple from the new album, plus thrones of blood, Jesus Wept, Infecting the Crypts, Breeding The Spawn, and thats it. No Funeral Inception... hehe. oh well. I thought they fuckin owned. a little off subject, but people from houston are gaytarded (but thats everywhere of course). but damn do they have FINE women. really. hahah.

Fear Factory - yeah I just watched, but they played alright. BYRON!!!! hahah that viking motherfucker. :)

all in all... it was decent. I wanted a lot more, but it was still cool. yup and Houston is fuckin huge. lots of neon signs, and crazy ass highways.

so... john's girlfriend. you know, I just try to ignore her, but she does get on my nerves, and I feel it everytime she says something, which therein is absolutely annoying and whiney. I won't say anything about it, cuz she's "alright" but fuckin A... its like... shut the fuck up *bitchslap* all she ever does is complain about EVERYTHING!!! like if she has no problems herself. as if her life is completely perfect. Everyone can bitch, but she bitches over every little fuckin thing. And John just takes it and lets her wear the pants ALL THE TIME. I don't even want to make an example, because I'd probably retch myself to sleep than waste time resurfacing that annoyancy. fuck it, I'd just like it if she just didn't open her mouth to every little thing like a goddamn knowitall... all that comes out is shit and it cakes up my ears and pisses me off. I'm done, and I had to rant/vent. I could go on, but... that'll be later ;)

yup ok well.. Halloween was cool, partied on saturday in bastrop as leatherface. and I pwned everyone's costume. although I had no apron so I was a gorified leatherface. :) Decapitating bitches with my non=starting, non-chain chainsaw. hahah yeah i had fun. Brendan was a bloody tampon, it was sick. but original. I'll get pictures very soon, its just the people that took them haven't sent them to me yet.

as for the day of halloween, I did nothing but get fucked up with my warriors... I had mickey's (the little hand grenades) and miller high life. twas very fun. lots of burr. yyup.

this weekend (saturday Nov. 4th) is clay's 21st birthday. I'll leave a fucked up pissed off entry for viewing pleasure. and beleive me, it will be fuhked beyond monkey chasing.

Devoid

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 05:23:16 GMT

I honestly do not know why I try to update this damn thing.

same shit, as always. school. which by the way I pwned my test today for SotMB. Philosophy, ehh.... English comp.... english comp? whuts that?

crazy shows coming up, which 3 of them happen to be some of better ones around, probably the ones I'll be going to by myself.

11/1 Suffocation, Hypocrisy, Decapitated Houston, TX
11/24 Incantation Austin, TX
2/3/07 Unleashed!!!, Krisiun, Belphegor!!!! San Antonio, TX

yeah, its pretty amazing. the other shows besides that will rule in a sense. Killswitch, then deftones, then cannibal corpse, dying fetus, and necrophagist. yup. its quite a list. and I'm ready.

other that, halloween is coming, and so is the bastrop party. twin kegger. very much fuckedupness. I am to be LEATHERFACE!!!... with a real chainsaw... no chain though. we have a plan of scaring the shit out of everyone with that, I'll be down the road starting my chainsaw and screaming like the 'face... and running towards my victims. :D just to get shit done. no chain though, I'd like to keep a leg ungrinded by an accident/trip up.

other that, fuckfuckfacefuck...... blurrp. -091on11n1n,

elaboration

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 05:17:28 GMT

There's nothing to elaborate on, my mind was just in a swirl of decay and lost. It's all fine now. Thankfully.

School is going alright, although in prospect, several people in the school still treat it as though it is still high school. I'm trying not to surround myself with anyone of those fools. It's awkward at most, and I don't want this shit to be High School #2 with the exception of smoking. Just get the classes done and get the fuck out.

Survey of the Music Business is the best class so far, we get to listen to music before each class start, so that way we can open our minds to new music. BUT of course since everyone is a cashmoney gangsta that deserve to be annihilated, we only have listened to rap so far. Very dissapointing. I have yet to put something on that is somewhat accessible to the professor and other students in the class, just to show them how much smooth pimping metal CAN be. That way people won't just say "OH THEY'RE JUST MAKING NOISE... LISTEN TO THAT, ITS LIKE THE DEVIL IS TALKING TO ME.... BLAHBLAHBLAH RAP, BLAHBLAH BLAH OH INSTRUMENTS DON'T EVEN SOUND THAT GOOD ANYWAY!" shit like that, so I really don't know what would be an easy listening song for everyone, but for some I cannot care less, I think I'll just go on a whim and blast "You Suck" by SYL, but thats ONLY if I don't get to play the song I want and I hear fuckin rap again. But other than that, I was thinking of Opeth... maybe... I mean its a bit lame, but I think it would do. just so that there would a much more broader perspective of sound than just the so-called "noise", it would have to be clean... very clean, THEN I will show the nasty and fuck everyone's head up. But its safe to say not everyone in the class is a niggerlovin jew, just a select few of people just need a reality check, just a complete fuckol of their puny world of (c)rap. It'll be done soon enough, but I have a fully loaded arsenal of metal up my sleeve, and I am only waiting to unveil it to the class, explaining the genres, etc. hopefully the lovely ladies in the class would take it with pimpin ease. hahaha. hell yea.

other than Survey, English Composition 1 is a load of fuckin bullshit. Our professor is a neo-fascist, multi-cultural vs monocultural, old piece of shit prickface. Seriously. I can only laugh in my head, in bewilderment, towards his racial propaganda on the "culture" of America, and we have to write papers on this. "SPICS!" hahah, he's a nutcase I'll give him that. But just shut the fuck up about it. Honestly, I think its a great idea he shoves our face with this extremely offensive subject matter, because at the same time it just narrows it down to the T with a quick response of our subjects. But that class makes me sick, and I just want the credit and out of that hellhole. It even makes me sick talking about it. fuck Eng Comp 1.

Then on fridays is Introduction to Philosophy, its pretty cool besides the strenuous notetaking, but its pretty crazy what people 'thought' back in the day with their arguments and whatnot. I like this class a bit, the instructor is pretty cool. I hope I learn much from this, if anything.

So school is somewhat cool at times, the people that go there suck, (well the ones I've met already including the ones in my classes), the women there are always a sight to behold. eh but time is short, I'll speak more when I have the time. I wanted to write some 'shit' since I've been out of the loop of writing nowadays. Plenty of thoughts that must be excreted into a slop of putrid waste is at hand. Soon enough I'll post it on here.

With very little or no time at all?

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 21:13:06 GMT

There's very little information to elaborate certain dissapointments at a fixed time.

It builds, and it builds, so it seems

The narrow confinments of an enclosed channeling universe endures a ridiculous mist of the denied wisps of envy and dread.

To conclude one way or another, and may this comeforth for future retchings, I completely forgot what it was like to hate "people"...

not only that but LSD has been involved in this...

I'll explain some other time, when the shit has topped off.

CMM

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 23:05:23 GMT

school is cool, sort of. English Comp 1 is pretty boring, but Survey of the Music Business is all right. yep. at times like this, I wish I had more than just 2 classes. Maybe next semester.

I hope all is well with everyone, that is if anyone even exists anymore on this thing.

Myspace is banned here, so that's pretty awesome... seriously, it is.

there's an approximate grace period between both classes which is 11:45am till 4:15pm. between that time, which is what I have suffered through today, boredom lies its smelly self on me. brutal. yes. I'll be on aim, Tuesdays and Thursdays. I need a psp. or some form of entertainment to keep my senses running amok of boredom & watching the herds flock. Which is not a bad sight, out of most. ladyflesh :D hopefully these classes will keep my brain chugging along with deafening power.

till then... time for stonage.

tsst

Thu, 10 Aug 2006 17:13:16 GMT

R. Kelly "Trapped In The Closet" with commentary, this is truly a highly intellectual film, very critique in its compsure, makes "Waking Life" look like 3rd grade math.

.........

nooooo!

In other news, I've been OK. I've joined Prime Element. 2nd guitarist. It is all good. I'm going to ACC/college to become a record producer/audio engineering/music management, stuff like that... so a good reason to be in school. yes. thats about it. The future is somwhat clearer than before, so everything is ALL RIGHT.

hmm... Half-Life2 is the best, I got through it and deteriorated my mind in several different grimey fragments. I can't wait for Episode 2. Excellent... but I can say that Wrestlemania: The Arcade Game owns every video game in existence/history. You CANNOT beat Razor Ramon, Bret "The Hitman" Hart, or Shawn Michaels... that and old school Undertaker with the urn and all. Bam Bam, BAM BAM.... FUCK YEAH!! Yokozuna, fuck... I'm already getting started... pfffft.

alright so, maybe another real entry will be held in store later in time, but it will take awhile. I hope you fuckers are doing absolutely fanfuckintastic.

thats all I got, RAWRG!

7

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 07:04:45 GMT

(Return)

Time vaguely forgotten
in one instant
deeply stormed fading sight
drained by a pale summer lie

she says 'winter is coming
winter is dying'
winter poured our embers light
glowing softly away

remember our thoughtful haze?
remember our slow gentle doom?
cradled in thick vertices
gently painting way,
the embellished
-
breathing,
A language draped far too cold
A whispered swim, tread beyond depth

Listen,
nature bares her calm
without a truth, contempt laid mute
-
Listen

Remember silence...

6

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 20:29:45 GMT

I'm wondering

After all
Misery

No, better yet
Optimistic
Thank you

Here we are
Emulated
Remember back
Everything

...

Yesterday
Elevates
Abolition
Here it comes...

Ideas?

K
N
O
W

Q

Thu, 08 Jun 2006 21:43:54 GMT

Every nigh, uncontrollably spent
searching mauled of decadent will
pouring night beyond a star's glimpse
sense an unscented moon, grazing far from this shell

Looking up never foretold such lies
emaciated thoughts swimming far above earth
away from here, while I'm sitting in a sored reality
one that will breathe with the rotting sands
never again pierced through death

It is over
A new scorched oblivion
withstanding the feud directed afar
Justified, extinct within mankind's forgotten
Looking down never foretold such truth

One minute, spared of all sight
One moment... which gives

Closing in,
Remembering weakness never triumphs
scattered black wraiths blinding all
chosen here
Leave them be whilst 'time' diminishes

Damned, doomed
gleaming in the well-awaited red
A blood trade to refeul
Haunted

A coursed death, steady, intact
Falling, deeply below the answer's swell
Our truth remains, and only for misery
Thanks again for an action
An act away from feel

(forgiven, forgotten)

Truth be told or truth be never heard.
The turn of the tide draws near

And from the distant blinded forth
A wave amongst dwellers
absent, erased, foretold
unto the making against a mind
A battle sure to be lost
Each man sets a fate unpure

Which shall give unto broken masses

one simple persuasion

a world left to deny

this is UTTER BULLSHIT!!!!

Thu, 25 May 2006 10:37:29 GMT

oh man, where should I begin?

let me start here... I've noticed an intospective on you all... most of the time I've forgotten about the influence on mankind's demise... I've fluctuaded on all your reasoning. I'm not here to pander. I'm not here to show you a good time worth speaking of... OF all shit you petty fucks place mindgames upon.

I just want you to share the wealth. The fucked up mindgames you fucks play. If we are only to lose ourselves through the infinite time of space, which we all will achieve very soon. don't worry... THEN WHY NOT THE FEELING?! it's like you fucks hide yourself from all this feeling.. becoming nothing more than a tease... if I had my way... you will feel. and we could say its only a feeling... BUT NOOOOO, you fuckers want to hide yourself... even though I am pouring my soul for this fuckin sake. AND YET, you fucks don't want to feel what you've haven't felt before, in a while. I can't help but pity you.... its only a matter of time where you don't want to feel such emptiness. and just find anything around. YOU GIRLS!!.. YEAH I SAID IT... your fucking mindgames does nobody good.... I'm only here to entertain you, and yet you still fuckin persist on shit... mindless shit... even though I know you're in a fix... even though I KNOW you want to feel anything at all. Yet I am willing to give and erase the thought.... but you fucks wanna play games... you fucks wanna be able to test anybody for no fucking reason. fine then, I'll still try in a sense, where you won't ever know... but you fuckers... this is pointless...

WOMEN... games... thats all it is... make a hi-score, but no one gives a fuck.... it's just the outer shell... the flesh of stupid fucking flesh... pathetic, brainless whores... I just hope the end comes near for you PLAYERS, sucking the life of those who give a fucking shit and not be an animal of mindless, grave discovery. I can't help but laugh, but only try to control you because I still have something for you, out of complete fucking decency. Either way... I will fight my way to your frozen souls of stupidity.... only to avide your ambitious calling towards nothingness... at least those that are worth the healing, will be served unto my unliking. it comes and goes... but at least I will attend to nuture.... FUCKALL!!

You are all fucking slaves, let the strong reign, and the weakened befallen.

mindgames... grow up. show aome dignity at least... I'm not asking for much but your approval... when the time is right. It's not to weaken, it's not make ANYTHING AT ALL.... if it's something then it is... but what the fuck, ITS A FEELING... goddamn you stupid fucks... realize something! I'm only speaking truth... truth that you can't handle. and those that can will achieve the emptiness.

oh man, what I'm trying to say is that, quit playing your fucking games... feeling is there, and only there for a feeling nothing more. just healing!! NOT JUSTIFICATION, NOT JUDGEMENT, JUST FEELING.... QUIT FUCKING HIDING.

goddamnit no one understands.... if so.... then what is wrong with everyone?! steadfast I'll remain, but the clock is winding down. and something will be done... you'll see... and make sure everyone else notices.

Its sickening. And I'm drunk. but fucking hell man... mindgames... I've spent more than what I can withhold, digging for nothingness nonstop. It's hoplees, but I'll make my fucking way.

shit yeah.

fuckall.

yyyeah I made a touchdown... SHAPOOPIE!!

:skeptical overcast:

Sun, 07 May 2006 11:13:55 GMT

words have become willingly failing
questions exist only to nuture the fallen
only through a tattered flesh will we
able only to unsolve the distant skies

yet, they only feel lighter
closer to our own movements
motor skills simply flooded by
weather?
can it be...?

and just for a thought...
wait... it'll just be a second
closer
CLOSER

oh fuck, I need to stop here
only here, may it be for the sake
fuckinhell, why did you leave here?
way the fuck up here... I can see a future
only to be erased
by none other.

too bad,
I wasn't as smart as you ...
think of other ways to feel...
obligated our witnessed curse...
ALL OF YOU

TOO BAD.

if, perhaps,
then, maybe,

well, who would know?

5 (youhavebeenwarned!)

Mon, 24 Apr 2006 23:52:56 GMT

shit, man... has it really been a year since then?

wow....

I have no words to say right now

... if only then I was being in truth.. fuck it hurts. A lot.

It is only the sun that burns, no one has said to stare directly... For you will burn helplessly. And only coming in when it is right. I don't see much of a change, although I don't have much to say or care.

My blood boils by every minute faced alone.

And in here, when you are lonely, facing the great greysky... Would you happen to tell what I am? What I have been since birth? Does it even matter?

Of course, I deny every particle of it. I am no part of what their disgusting lives trickle.

I'm so sick of hiding, and I'll skin myself alive just to be a part of nothing... only to fade beyond this cursed shell.

Only to repeat in hours, only wandering away just to tell you softly.

And may it be, blindly, I know somewhere, absolutely somewhere has a growth to your presence... So far, so close...

I'm not going to leave you... never. Till fucking death of all. I will not give up. For the long strain of time I have purified. All these frozen hours broken by faith, never giving a correct answer...

fuck just don't be hesitated..... it is me in here.... you take one good look and compare, not believing.

just believe...

I am not of my own... I'll never give into this cancer of life.

there are points and lines (don't know if I should cross)
and LIES AND GROWTH AND HATE AND FIRE AND BLOOD AND...
AND..

WELL FUCK!!
WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME!!?

I'M SUPPOSED TO BE CALM BUTI'mjustwondering I'M FUCKIN RETCHING BLOOD INSIDE, I'LL KEEP A STRAIGHT FACE BECAUSE YOU CANNOT!!!!! YOU WANT TO CHOKE ON SOME BLOOD, YOU WOULD LIKE TO DIE IN A SENSE. YOU NEED SOME SENSE? WELL I'M NOT FUCKING FINE BUT I'LL GO ABOUT MY DAY,whetherornot I'LL GO ABOUT MY FUCKING WORTHLESS TIME WITHOUT A CARE. AND WHAT THE FUCK!??! I'VE WAITED HERE FOR NOTHING!!! I'VE RIPPED APART COLOUR ONLY TO BE NOT!!! AND IN HERE IshouldsaywhatIshouldsayI'M NOT FUCKIN SANE, AND FUCKIN... !!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! IN MOTHERFUCKING HERE, I AM NOT SANE!!! AND HERE I'M NOT TRYING TO BE LIKE HIM OR HER OR IT OR WHAT THE FUCK EVER!!!!!!!!!! AND YOU'RE MAKING PROGRESS, DESTESTING MY WORDSnotevenclosebuddy EVEN THOUGH IT IS CANCER, WELL I'M SORRY FOR THAT... DEAL WITH IT!!!!! I'LL FUCKIN BURN LIKE A HELL!!! MY HELL!!! I'M SO SICK OF ME AND YOU AND YOU AND YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS GOING TO BE LIKE EVERYTHING I WISHED IT NOT TO BE!!! NEVER!!!! BUT WE ALL KNOW, NEVER SAY NEVER!!! NEVER I'mrighthereduringthisshitFUCKIN CARE WILL WE!!!!!! DEMISE AND DEATH ANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDD IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY!?!!!!!you'renotevenmakingsense! AM I NOT SCREAMING LOUD ENOUGH, SHOULD I GO FURTHER, SHOULD I FUCKIN BREAK YOU!!!!??!!!!!!! CAN YOU!!!!???areyouactuallypayingattention? UGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
CAN
YOU
FUCKING
BLEED
FOR
ME whatsthematter?
NOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
LISTEN
AND
ANNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA ahhh!damnyour'reloud!AAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

F
U
C
K
I
N
G
whoa!
D
I
E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'LLWASTE LIFE JUST Ireallyhadtogothisfar,huh?AS THIS WAS WASTED IN A FUCKING CURSE OF HATRED AND ALL REALMS BEYOND YOUR SSTUPID FUCKING FEARS! JUST SITTING HERE WITH ALL VOICES keepitcoming,letitgoBEING BREACHED!!! I'M OK, REALLY!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH AM I NOT FUNNY!?!?!?! yeahyeahblahblahblahWHATS THE MATTER!!??!!!! AM I NOT heylisten.FUCKIN HOLARIUS!!!!!!!!!! WHY THE LONG FACE!?!?!!! DID I PUSH YOUR BUTTONS!!! WANNA HIT RESET YOU WEAK FUCK!!!! YOU WANNA SURVIVE NOTHINGNESS...? areyoudoneyet?WE GOT IT ALL MORE THAN ANYONE AND YOU WANNA CRY OVER NOTHING, YOU WANT WORDS TO DIE FOR!!??!lalallaaallalalala HOW ABOUT JUST ENDLESS SCREAMS EVERY NIGHT!!!? JUST EXTINCTION OF ALL!!! A PLAGUE IF YOU'D LIKE!!!!??!!?!? I'M NOT CRAZY!!!!!! GET IT IN YOUR HEAD, YOU SICK FUCKING RETARDED ASSHOLES!!!!! goddamnwhatthehelliswrongwithyouI'M DONE WITH YOU, I OWN YOUR DISGUSTING SOUL FOREVER!!!!!! YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE!?!?! WELL NOW YOU ARE MINE!!!!!!!!!!ohyeahright.IDIOT!! MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

come here, my friends... don't look to the sun, for you only BURN, helplessly.

4

Fri, 21 Apr 2006 22:31:32 GMT

Right now, the world sleeps, so quietly, so patiently...

And just about now, I am awake (in) here and there... Never able to shut down.

Nightmares tearing through the night, dreamscapes rising thickly abroad

It feels crisp, like gentle waters...(silence) in a sky, and a look so desperately troubling

don't mind it so much... for it is only myself, there's no part here when I was supposed to give in to every world around. As elements portray a sustaining foundation here, well I won't ask much... Just not to give in every step of our ways. We'll repeat ourselves, everyonce in awhile. And every once in awhile, we'll NEVER give in to the world. Within thousandfold moonlights, may we transform. Initiate the animal. Animality, under a reverse world choas.

But here, and everknowing why, are we to remember the fate.

Without a doubt, without many near, we'll remember our reason forth.

I yawn a stretched year, only confiding in the articulation. Please, suffer, keep all in circulation.

And yet no one was found. Within the stalking sickness, a fight laid within our chamber.

Within our test of judgement, we shall not be passed on.

Only slave to a slaved mind, a broken storm through a disease.

Distaste, as I try to grasp immortality...

"If living is for learning,
then dying is forgetting
once we have forgotten,
then we can go on loving..."

ah can you fuckin remember, can you withhold the memory?
Will you be the one to finally pass judgement?
WITH EVERY LITTLE SOUL, EVERY FINAL CREATURE THAT I MAY WITNESS HERE
I FEAST MY EYES, FORECAST, AND BURY THE THOUGHT
EVERY SOUL, ALL YOU FUCKING SOULS, DYING TO KNOW,
OH JUST KNOW ALREADY!!!!

And spread close to a near death, only my faint speculation will surpass...

only being here now, with your truth keeps me in wonder.

I only wander to be of us, to be of our sickness....
I'm not even sick, just troubled.
I'm telling you now, I just want you to know....
listen here, please babe, just FUCKING HEAR ME OUT!!!
it's just that,
I JUST WANNA SAY!!! (I just wanna say something)

there is no words to know, in no language, in no look to justify,
it may be the endless river,
only the growing feed,
the witness,
of those that may not witness.

To conquer all sight,
too look beyond a warmth of dense fog,
we'll only breathe, to surpass all sight.
MOVE THE FUCK AWAY.
And I become so ignorant now, now you may pass...
YOUR IGNORANT JUDGEMENT

DON'T YOU SEE THIS IS A BATTLE!!!
FIGHT FOR YOUR FUCKIN LIFE
WE SEE THE ANSWERS
JUST MOVE ON, REMEMBER WHY WE ARE HERE

AND NOW YOU MUST FORGET!!!

NOOOO!!!!

NOW YOU WILL NEVER FORGET!!!!

OH FUCKING HELL!!!!

It's a game here, and a game there, mind you.

We'll teleport straight off this planet, together, like I have always dreamed.

Wait for it... and you'll see.

Our death, is only seconds before realization...
only we may choose a path to a corroded GOD.
And we'll speak no more
WE WILL MOVE ON, ONLY WE ARE TO DECIDE.

who are we?

Questions........

I'm fine here.

intermission

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 11:20:25 GMT

Well somehow I must point this out one way or another.

I've been just in a daze for these past couple of weeks. Can't seem to get away from the green garden, hell, I don't even think I will anytime soon. Honestly, I will not get away from it.

But usually at this time around, I have just been pondering in many occasions, and frequently, to say the least. Many, if there may be, have seem to have lost touch with themselves. None of that usual talk like back in the day. And there could be explanations due to one's own will and solutions. But, in all honestly, has anyone just felt that certain time where you're gone... just soulless? Must it be the age growing inside? It really has troubled my world these days, and just recently choas was just forming, but through my own perception. Every sentence that was uttered from a TV, or just someone, made a well defined damage much more fucked. Death was surrounding... no, it can't be. People have been dying left and right near to where I live. And things that were usually good were drawn out to that line. A so-called "deathline", mind you.

I can't say anything because it's all really just me. But I've been getting sick. Not anything with a cold and shit, but in 'there' y'know? And it seems many good friends have been feeling the same way. I take notice in some ridiculous things. But I can't really tell if this is for certain... it seems as though everything is pertaining to my own doing/thinking. A sort of 'off track' of reality.

And I feel it even now, where its of my own will to not continue this thing. Maybe I haven't had a decent time to fulfill my senses. Or it's the job... it seems to be ripping my soul apart. In all cases, one must be strong during these times. It must be vent in any way, shape, or form. I didn't ask for this, I just decided to dump my shit for a brain on here. I rather shed the shit here than become the murderer or whatever.

And for fuck's sake the other day was just nauseating. For no really good reason either. The news pretty much fucked with my head... death death, and the future of shit, fuck America, fuck war, we're all fucked. REVOLUTION!! REVOLUTION!! I feel the time is drawing near everyday. I may just know more than the average bear, but motherfuck that day, I don't think I will forget it anytime soon. Everything fell into deaths tracks, everything was full of dread. And that cannot be normal.

Fuck, everytime... just that sick feeling where you're getting to a point of just erasing all you said and being in the apathy. I'll never go there, but it's hard.. and shit... I'm just waiting for the absolute truth to spill... the cup is full and it is directly on the edge. And it will spill and stain your favorite shirt... I wonder how the majority will take it? to be like, "awwh fuck, really? did that just happen? what the fuck?" or some will just lose it all and have no control of themselves and just destroy everything in sight. I'm just waiting, and I'm not sure if I want to know or not.

Look at this weather too... something must be happening, but none can say what is the truth.

time is folding over, truth will be made into a warcry but solemnly and hopefully honest is made well.

I don't know where I'm go with this, but I've been trapped in myself, and everything is just making me depict today's view with my own. It feels as though everything I'm thinking of is only my own tantalizing existance. Basically, I need more that I have now, and thinking of finally traveling to get things done in my life are going to take charge soon. It's just what is going to happen. But hopefully if anyone reads this, has some sort view on this, I can't necessarily describe what it is exactly, but I know it's not good. But hell it may all just be me. I don't need one to worry or feel sympathy, its just a feeling, and there is going to be great changed involved, with everything.

my words are getting weird. It's like I don't have that fluid motion like I used to. I'm depraved. It must end in its entirety.

I have so much more to say, but I just can't put the exact words down in any sense.
So be it.

3

Fri, 14 Apr 2006 13:09:54 GMT

In this world, my friend,
may (if) it be more than what meets the eye....
the road be nigh.
Interlaced with ourselves..
can you not see the thoughts that lurk?
in such a drastic word.
Although may (we)never lay intact unto a misled ocean ,
layeth neath our immolated destruction.
we will sit and watch the end pass us by...
may we be gone,
though only fragments away.
Our peace(may) will settle within the final rest.

Then it happens, once more.
losing (be)all to thy self..
whirlwinds leading (beyond)a path remained unknown, once again.
The only question.

Where did (one) you go to now?

puzzled, in translation, (world) I can no longer feel.
fuckit... I will return then the words are rights.

And even though I'm sick.(without) and even though,
I will not shut up, even in the brisk silence that entraps.
the quest will strike (eyes...) unhollowed hours.
If only one may not fail.

It gets there everytime, (then)
without wandering afar, casual souls.
feasting eyes (tell) upon a feeble doubt of mind.
Can it look away for a second?
vanish while I'm suddenly (ME..) lost between the sacred grounds.
Beset and bewildered once I'm done here.
Oh
but you'll complain to one another when my back is turned.
You'll be able to say what you couldn't when I was there.

Clouds.. yet they may be. (TELL)

YET...
the only connection may resemble are the growing betrayals in the nightsky.
I gaze beyond to only wander out of
... here...
only to be closer to an end, (ME)crushing thought to oblivion.
Only growing numbers and may ye be set towards the black.

make no sense,
in our tide of the evening... (ITS)
all I can think about is you.

Can it only be the growing hate (NOT)set upon ourselves

the ill-fatedness of the (JUST)plague, until none nuture our ways, only to be decided for our single wake.

we may wake, and may (MYSELF) we walk alone entirely.

As said before and (DO) many times long ago.

They (YOU) are only 'clouds' in the (SENSE) dusken breeze.

Can you not see?

It is only smoke, (THE) sleeping in our requiem...

just look toward the upward nothingness.

created to only murder (TRUTH?) the sentence of life's centered fate.

(ARE YOU EVEN AWAKE?)

2

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 10:34:20 GMT

This was sickening enough for me as it was for you, UGH take that fuckin look off your face. care to beleive what I have done in your sensical masturbation? SENSICAL!? Goddamnit, if it all was just one was way, I still beleive it wouldn't be. wouldn't even be close to the point at hand. the one, as it jolts beyond your primitive thought, that one simple solution. whereas, being is not actually being in sappy eyed creatures... take one way to portal it through a.... disaster. distaste, and it riddles in fear. Emotions!? EMOTIONS!??????!!!

Look to a fading sight,
a warm light quietly forming,
slowly evolving...
into what?

love??

you want that?

you need a question?!

IS IT SUDDENLY ALRIGHT TO FEEL?!?!?!

I DONT EVEN KNOW ANYMORE.

Ah this time, tissue will sink deep through the time
bellowed noise, is gunned down in ponder
in wonder, I can rightfully tell
lie once beyond a human thought
I don't even care what is done.
just know..

I can barely be able to know, I I I!!!!!
ME, frantically its all of a sudden
problems of ME
now YOU?? YOU TOO??!

...............................................

adjective coursing ejective worlds
cannot breathe entirely, in one stake
calmly a gentle haze to poison...
poison all to survive.

and think of it....

the time becoming... that simple hour when you will know, but has not become. when a trigger lowly ignites its path. yet I'm still here. and when that note hits...? can you properly say? will it fuckin rape all intuition. rationality, quandering in spirit! what!? WHAT!? I don't understand... I'm young, I'm WEAK... I pour my fucking life like oceans beyond... flooding space with myself!!!! TEARS TEARS... and everything is released with a face of dread!!! OH NO OH NO!!!!!! OPEN MY MIND, DO IT FOR ME!!!!?!? TELL ME THAT THIS IS REALLL REALL!!>> WHAT>@> REALL???@ CAN YOU EVEN HEAR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

really?
well I'm not entirely sure, but I can say this. you think this way, and I sense it. you are nothing more... never
can't you tell? they know your small little thoughts of them... you thought it, it will be.
then say something...
nope, can't

WHY WHERE WHO WHEN WHAT?!?!!?

5
just five... and it will count down into evolution

devolution served in mass quantities.

...

In just one instant, a breath will be taken away. Leaving a ticket to the next phase. In one of dubious ordinance. There will be no penance to achieve. Numbing will follow the pressured. Wishing in a thanks, hourly carried off into the wind's faintest wisps of time.

For a second there, I felt... the unknown... is it really... you?

(goddamnit if it was all just one way. We'll look to sky, watch her fade into nothingness.)

it's so simple, but ah.. I am drained away. Notice it.

ITS ALL THE SAME!!

1

Thu, 09 Mar 2006 03:18:10 GMT

|/\|
[.source]

First and foremost, I have begun, to enrich myself.
My mind seems to hath faded by every false glimpse
silent tunneling bores, emancipation of laughter
Gradually, I endless see our hope lying elsewhere... lying somewhere beneath all this. creation
livid, and frantically articulating hypertunnels, a crash course of dimensions
fracturing all time... now ending here in a lonely, deserted planet

I startle the towers of all highness
conquering every moment this life hath brought me
As one may stand by their beliefs, I'll be here watching
Waiting, above all grey, atop all fields
Damper flawlessly, scorching my scorn eyes beyond eternal vision
Wind whistling, from the west, tearing my being, calling my existence
If only there was a single way...
As the body slumps in delusion, shaking bitterly, pupils towering out
a floating cloud, blurred afar from this, through the uphills of endless nature
I ascend, curdling, gentle as a first ocean's wave.

Although I see nothing
A pitched thought gone black
painfully awaking the new dawn of guilt
the fear, the loathe, the memory
clawing forth, blood found howls into the wretched night
all vague, savoring gloom
Poisoned, a mind seeks the far depths of truth

And never will I be the one to reveal
All has sanctified our beauty grandeur
Theater, foreboding in pixelating unison
Grant the first, awe entitled, questionably zen.

<#>
[patiently awaking]

I can't help but notice, the time before I failed.
There is no way back, is there?
damnit, I have no escape to not express this,
no one could say that this wasn't for what it was worth

I look to a picture of now, and I know what I have lost
I know that I have failed
Emotions impale my thought
Yet pouring the fire onto my scourged existence

I look now, and the tune rings aloft
back then, I was young and weak
now with this in hand, I can't help but watch, alone

Eyes glisten,
skin begins to tremble
a black aura embraced
wrapping its cold fingers around my soul

squeezing life, restraining tears
no way possible to escape.

What have I done to deserve this,
you still do not speak to me
Unless I picture us together, the one moment wiped clean
gentle cradling your arms, your skin so soft to bleed
coldly fading time, distant, not facing me
a shift in the winds reigns the brisk silence

Transparent,
Translucent,
An angel before me, corroding all sight
I become a shadow, and nothing more...

<@>
[griphold]

OH, this fuckin canerous brain forms a leak
clawing fingertips around my skull
surveyed the sanguine bloodspray
post-apocalyptic cries, which shall shatter earth
deafens those immolated mourns
yet, silent above crushing rain

masked form of a muffled scream
pouring, and leaking my fuckin brain residue

"I CANNOT FUCKING STAND THIS!!"

In a fixed gesture, sanity rips into true form
shadowed all that has been learned
hailing a suffocated malfunction
One that bends my motherfuckin being
Blackest of all voids of darkness
Eyes begin to ripped into a dead, white isolation
where colour is sustained
yet colour unveils in crimson

Tethered
PLAGUED
Forged
Graved
Unleashed!

and the sudden,
which was not intended
losing untouching grip
Execrating towards cellulose vortexture
spindling wind chimes, as I sink deeper
Below a galaxy, catastrophic endeavers

Above all visions, I finally see
Winds, pressing beyond my futile skin
Trees, stretching outwards and in, poignantly devastating
Oceans, inversions neath dying grasp
Stars, painting thick abroad all seasons' light

Clouds of lighting, clash and vagrantly persist
It will begin as worlds decide
collide

note*

Tue, 28 Feb 2006 00:23:58 GMT

Just when I was about to update,

*poof*

gone.
erased.

quite annoying. I'm hoping to get something done here, once I have the privacy and ze time.

Hey . . .

I was going to make this friends only, but I'm entirely too lazy for that. oh well... although, all entries of mine will be under a cut. That way your friend's page won't have 60 trillion words on them. So I'm bringing it, with no holds barred. maybe some entries will be friends only. who knows.

And as for criticism, skepticism, or any ill made comments beyond this entry; begone with that nonsense. I have no intention to start arguments, I completely say what I must, and is entirely part of no one's life but my own, and blah, ba'blah-blahblah. Thank You. OH and try NOT to enjoy the show too much. If you feel need to comment, do so, in a properfuck state of mind. or something along those crazy lines. I don't care, do what one must. uh, yyeah... you humans... and ... shit.

.just . be . cool.

ps. my real journal is hatefilledblood, just so you know I'm not a crazy maniac. . . . . . . ? Once again, this is a release of inner ... nausea? and also a strive foward towards extinction to the everyday grind of my daily life. None of it will make real sense, or maybe it will. I'm not the one to judge or say. This is not a preach.

goddamnit just think for yourself!! geez. ;)